


Fears

by melonewhore



Category: Naruto
Genre: 12-year-old Naruto, Adult Kakashi, Childhood Trauma, Crying, Flashbacks, Hair smoothing, Holding in lap, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Talking down, Teacher-Student Relationship, cradling, mentions of csa, soothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-28
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 09:47:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22452547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melonewhore/pseuds/melonewhore
Summary: Kakashi comforts Naruto after he has a nightmare about a traumatic event.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto
Kudos: 233





	Fears

**Author's Note:**

  * For [feralboy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feralboy/gifts).

> Please heed the tags. Implied past rape (CSA); nothing super graphic but enough that might be uncomfortable to some people. 
> 
> This was written for someone else.

It was a familiar nightmare that woke Naruto that morning, and it was just as real awake as it was asleep. He could never remember the entirety of the dream. Just like his memory of the event, the only recollection was a sequence of vivid images and sensations, anxious feelings and unclear sounds. When it got really bad, he could swear he smelled the man’s scent – just like back then. It was pungent and sharp – or maybe it was just the scent of his own fear. 

He wanted to get out of bed, to put as much distance between himself and the dream as possible, but instead his body curled into itself, as if trying to escape the hands that he could still feel on him. They slid down his hips, caressing his legs and pressing almost uncomfortably tight. 

He squeezed his eyes shut, but it only worsened it; all he could see behind his eyelids was that blurry face, the smile that had only been so welcoming at first before becoming something sinister. 

Memory was a funny thing. His brain could barely remember what the weather had been like that day, but he could still feel every touch as if they were burning fresh on him. It made him want to strip off his own skin, to shed his body and rid himself of the filth he could feel crawling all over him. 

* * *

Kakashi had almost talked himself out of stopping by the apartment that morning, but in the end his conscience had gotten the better of him. He knew there was no one else who would bother to check on the kid, and for some reason he felt it was his obligation. He was Naruto’s mentor, after all. A teacher should look out for their students. 

If this was true, though, he would check in on Sasuke and Sakura, too. He didn’t. 

He knocked on the door a couple times, before realizing there was a good chance Naruto wasn’t even up yet. He considered going back, but told himself he might as well make sure the kid woke up at a decent time. So he rapped on the door with his knuckles again, listening for any sound from inside and frowning when he heard none. 

“Naruto? Come on now, you don’t plan to sleep the whole day away, do you?” 

Perhaps he normally would have taken the continued silence as an affirmative answer, but something in his gut this time felt wrong. The whole situation seemed off, and he couldn’t shake it. 

One of the many consequences of having been a ninja for a while: you could get paranoid something awful. Then again, maybe that was just him. He wasn’t exactly known for being the most emotionally stable among the Jonin. 

And so he turned the doorknob and slowly pushed open the door. 

* * *

Naruto didn’t seem to notice as the door opened with a soft creaking, casting a fraction of light into the room. He was still trapped in his nightmare, tangled up in the sheets now damp with sweat as he tried to shake off the invisible hands invading his body. All the sensations began to intensify and melt into each other, overwhelming him with smells and feelings he couldn’t readily identify. There was the sweat, someone’s breath – maybe – and a stench like spoiled meat or sour milk. Dark. Dirty. Trash. Dumpster. That was it – the dumpster. The recollection elicited another sensation: asphalt digging into skin – his knees, his hands, scrapes, and bruises. He could still feel it hurting, like fire spreading up his legs and through his palms. 

Bile rose in his throat and he gave an involuntary groan, fighting the urge to be sick on the bed. No matter what he did, his body wouldn’t work for him, as if this memory were a wave that he had no choice but to ride out. If given a choice, he would truly rather drown in the surf. 

* * *

Kakashi was surprised and a tad concerned when Naruto didn’t stir as he walked into the apartment, and he made a note to reprimand the kid about properly locking his door. He could make out a lump curled up in bed, twitching slightly and emitting small discontent groans. He wondered if Naruto might be sick; it would have to be some kind of hardcore flu to actually keep the kid from running around all over the village causing his usual chaos. 

“Naruto?” 

Kakashi ventured a bit closer to the bed, craning his neck to see if he could get a better look. 

“You alright? Coming down with something? Let me know if I should keep my distance.” 

He frowned when there was no response, and without further hesitation walked around to the other side of the bed. Naruto was practically buried in the blankets, the only identifiable feature a small tuft of blond hair poking out. 

“Kid? You alright?” 

Kakashi reached out to pull the blankets back, but his fingers had barely brushed the covers before a sudden blow to the chest knocked him back and nearly sent him down to the ground. His reflexes were quicker, and he grabbed the ankle of the foot that was still trying to attack him. 

“Get off, get off!” Naruto was trying to twist himself out of the sheets but seemed trapped, flailing and kicking at every inch of Kakashi that he could reach. 

“Hey, take it easy!” 

Kakashi managed to catch one of Naruto’s arms, holding onto it as he attempted to get the kid to calm down. 

“What’s with the freak-out? Hey – hey!” 

Before he could inquire further, Naruto turned his head and promptly sank his teeth into the hand that was holding down his arm, and Kakashi yanked it back out of surprise. Naruto took that moment to leap at him, and they both hit the floor with a thud, small fists raining down on Kakashi’s face and chest. 

It wasn’t that he couldn’t easily overpower the kid, but he didn’t want to risk hurting him. That said, he wasn’t keen on just laying there and letting a twelve-year-old assault him. 

“Hey, knock it off! I said knock it off!” 

Kakashi pushed Naruto off of him, holding one of his arms back as he pressed his knee against the kid’s back and pinned him to the floor. “What the hell are you doing?!” 

Naruto was still wriggling beneath him, legs and free arm kicking as he tried in vain to escape. It took Kakashi a moment to register the sobs coming from beneath him, interspersed with frantic panting as Naruto still tried to pull his way out. 

“Let go of me!” he demanded tearfully. “I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you this time, let go of me –!” 

Despite the threats, Naruto’s voice was shrill and terrified, and he began hiccupping in between sobs. Kakashi was still confused, but he could infer enough to gather that Naruto probably wasn’t addressing him. 

“Get off, I said get off!” 

“Naruto, calm down –” 

Kakashi eased his knee off of the kid’s back and Naruto immediately scrambled up, trying to pull away. 

“Hey – hey, not so fast –” 

He wrapped his arms around Naruto’s waist before he could go any further, pulling the kid against him and holding tightly despite the punches he was still trying to throw. 

“Naruto – hey. Calm down.” He pulled him close and began to smooth back the blond hair stuck to his forehead. “It’s me – Kakashi. It’s alright. You’re alright.” 

Naruto whimpered, still straining against him, but Kakashi continued stroking his hair and speaking calmly. 

“It’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. You know that, don’t you?” 

He loosened his grip as Naruto stopped struggling, but the kid immediately twisted out of his arms and scrambled over to the corner, curling up with his knees to his chest and burying his face in his arms. 

Kakashi approached slowly, sitting down a good few feet away from Naruto’s huddled form and making no move to touch him. 

“Naruto,” he addressed softly. “Naruto. Can you look at me?” 

Naruto’s arms tightened around his legs and he shrank into himself, as if trying to disappear. 

“Naruto, it’s alright.” Kakashi’s voice stayed calm and soothing, despite the uncomfortable tightness in his chest as he wondered why the kid who usually couldn’t shut up for more than five minutes was suddenly acting like a scared, wounded animal. 

“What happened? Naruto? Can you talk to me?” 

A loud sniffle and whimper were his only response. The kid’s body was shaking like a leaf and Kakashi had to resist the impulse to ignore common sense and just grab Naruto and hold him close again. Something in his heart broke at the sight, and if there was a person responsible for this, he wanted to know so that he could pay them a personal visit. 

“Hey – do you remember when I taught you guys the chakra breathing exercises? It took you a while, but you didn’t give up. You practiced and practiced until you could barely move. You remember how good you got? I want you to breathe like that now. Deep and steady. Can you do that for me?” he asked softly. 

Naruto gave a trembling inhale followed by a choked sob, his shoulders shaking. 

“Slow – deep inhale, big exhale. You can do it,” Kakashi encouraged. 

There was still a sharp hitch to Naruto’s breathing, but he began to get ahold of himself, inhaling and exhaling as Kakashi instructed. 

“That’s it. You’re doing good,” he praised. “Just keep going.” 

A few more sobs made their way out, before Naruto seemed to begin breathing at a mostly normal pace, reducing the trembling of his body as his heart rate slowed. 

“There, that’s good. Just like that. Can you look up at me now?” Kakashi prodded gently. 

Naruto didn’t respond for a moment, but then he slowly lifted his head, briskly wiping his face and sniffling loudly before blinking pitifully in Kakashi’s direction. 

“There – that’s good.” Kakashi smiled, despite it being mostly invisible behind his mask. “You know who I am now, right?” 

Naruto slowly nodded, averting his gaze down to the floor. His cheeks seemed to flush a light pink, as though he were embarrassed. 

“Hey, it’s alright. I’m not angry with you,” Kakashi assured him. “Can you talk to me?” 

Naruto fervently shook his head, his arms tightening around his legs again. 

“Okay. That’s okay.” 

Kakashi took a moment to look around the room. Nothing seemed out of place, and everything was quiet. He turned back to Naruto, who was still fidgeting with his gaze averted. 

“Was it a nightmare?” 

The kid hesitated, but then gave a barely perceptible nod. 

“Want to tell me about it?” Kakashi asked gently. 

Naruto shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut and curling up tighter into himself. 

“Okay.” 

He looked the boy up and down, taking note of the damp sweat stains on his clothes. 

“Why don’t we get you a fresh change of clothes, huh? Those don’t look too comfortable right now.” 

Naruto looked up at him, chewing his bottom lip nervously. 

“Okay,” he said quietly. 

Kakashi held out a hand, encouraging Naruto to take it. 

“Come on,” he coaxed. “Let’s get off the floor.” 

Naruto reluctantly reached out and accepted the gesture, letting Kakashi help him up. The kid’s hand was cold and clammy, and still trembling slightly. Kakashi squeezed it reassuringly as he led Naruto back to the bed. 

It was unsettling, seeing the kid like this. No matter what he had gone through, Naruto had always come out resilient and determined to surpass every struggle. What could give him a nightmare so terrifying that he was reduced to a shaking mess? 

“Here.” Kakashi handed Naruto a clean pair of clothes. “Do you need me to help?” 

Naruto forcefully shook his head, and Kakashi took a couple steps back. He let his gaze travel out the window as the kid changed, turning back when Naruto was finished and offering a smile. 

“Better?” 

“A little.” 

Naruto sat on the bed, gazing down at his lap as he busied himself with a stray thread on his pants. 

“You gave me a bit of a scare there, kiddo,” Kakashi said, sitting down next to Naruto and giving him a gentle nudge. 

“Sorry, Kakashi-sensei,” he replied sheepishly. 

“You want to tell me whose ass you thought you were kicking?” 

Naruto stiffened, his face scrunching up slightly as he blinked a few times. He sniffled and roughly wiped his face with his sleeve. 

“No one important.” 

“I’d beg to differ.” 

“Doesn’t matter.” Naruto shrugged. “It won’t change anything.” 

“Did they hurt you?” 

Kakashi didn’t know why the question popped into his head; something about it was written on Naruto’s face, in the way his body still shook as though he might break down again any minute. 

The silence Kakashi received served as his answer. He felt a strange knot in his stomach, an anger beginning to bubble to the surface at the thought of anyone maliciously laying hands on the kid. 

“If they did something bad, don’t you think they should get a punishment?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Naruto repeated. “I don’t…I don’t remember.” 

“You don’t remember who it was?” 

Naruto slowly shook his head. 

“What happened, Naruto?” 

“It’s my fault –” Naruto made a noise as though something were squeezing his throat. “I couldn’t fight back – I wanted to, but I was – I was too weak.” He frowned, his voice angry and disappointed. “I was too young, but if – if it was now, I could fight him. I could kick his ass. I’m stronger now.” 

“You were just a kid.” 

He was still just a kid. 

“I was stupid. I just – I just let him do it. I didn’t know how to do anything else –” 

“Naruto…what did he do?” 

Naruto grimaced, groaning and placing his head in his hands. 

“I don’t know – I don’t remember. It doesn’t matter,” he repeated. 

Kakashi hesitated, but then reached over and put a hand on Naruto’s back. 

“It’s alright. You don’t have to be afraid.” 

Naruto stood up and whirled around. 

“I’m not afraid!” he insisted. “I’m not afraid.” 

The kid’s hands were clenched into fists, but his whole body was still trembling like it was on the verge of collapsing. Kakashi felt a pang of sympathy as Naruto desperately attempted to keep up his usual façade. 

“Naruto,” Kakashi said quietly. He watched the boy carefully, his expression soft. “We all have some things that scare us. It’s not a weakness.” 

“Easy for you to say. You’re not scared of anything.” 

Kakashi smiled, resisting a good-natured laugh. 

“What makes you think that?” 

Naruto frowned, looking down at the floor as he tried to find his explanation. 

“You’re just – you’re always so calm and cool, and you never seem afraid. You’re all brave and badass. That’s part of being a Jonin, right?” 

Kakashi solemnly shook his head. 

“Being calm and collected in the face of danger is indeed expected of a Jonin. But it doesn’t mean there aren’t things that frighten us. Part of being a ninja is facing those fears and not letting them control us.” 

Kakashi could have laughed out loud at himself. He was probably the last person to talk about facing fears and overcoming them. But the kid didn’t need to know the details. A teacher just had to inspire, and Kakashi was good at that. 

Naruto looked at Kakashi skeptically, as though trying to determine if his teacher was joking or not. 

“You’re scared of stuff, Kakashi-sensei?” 

“Sure. Everyone is scared of something.” Kakashi hesitated for a moment before venturing further. “Would you like to tell me what’s scaring _ you _?” 

Naruto swallowed, his body shifting uncomfortably as he stood in front of his mentor. 

“I – I feel…wrong, talking about it,” Naruto said awkwardly. He rubbed his arms up and down as though trying to get something off of his skin. As though he were dirty. 

“Why is that?” 

“I don’t know,” he muttered, looking down at the floor again. 

“Maybe it won’t feel as wrong after you tell me about it,” Kakashi suggested gently. 

Naruto looked at him, face pale and eyes troubled, as though he were trying to decide if Kakashi had reason or not. 

“You won’t…you won’t – tell anyone?” Naruto asked, still averting his gaze. 

“Anything you say is safe with me,” Kakashi assured him, before holding out a hand. “Why don’t you sit down?” You can take your time.” 

Naruto hesitated, but then took the hand and let it lead him to sit back down on the bed next to his teacher. 

“It was a long time ago. I – I don’t remember it all.” 

“That’s okay. You can just talk about what you remember.” 

Naruto swallowed and chewed on his lip. His hand was still squeezed firmly in Kakashi’s, and the man had little intention of letting go. 

“I was a kid – not in the academy yet,” he began. He spoke quickly, his voice was shaking and slightly breathless, as though he were forcing out the words before he lost his nerve. 

“The kids wouldn’t play with me. I was alone again. A man was there. He was nice. He talked to me.” 

Naruto shifted uncomfortably next to Kakashi, who tightened his hand around the kid’s reassuringly. 

“He took me somewhere. I don’t remember. It smelled. Like a dumpster. Maybe.” He swallowed with difficulty before continuing. “I felt cold. My hands and knees hurt. I don’t know what’s happening.” 

He let out a choked sob and a whimper, cringing away from the memory. 

“It hurt. Everything hurt and I don’t remember. I think I yelled, but – but I couldn’t breathe right. I thought I was dying – I was so scared –” 

His face scrunched up as he began to sob again, and before long he was hyperventilating, whimpers broken up with violent hiccups. 

Before he could stop himself, Kakashi had leaned over and wrapped his arms around Naruto, pulling him close against his chest and holding on. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re alright.” 

It was far from the truth, but Kakashi was only focused on soothing the crying child in his arms. 

Naruto didn’t respond for a moment, but once he seemed to realize he was being held, he immediately wrapped his arms back around Kakashi and clutched tightly to him, like he was the only buoy in an ocean fraught with waves. 

Kakashi smoothed back the kid’s hair, resting his cheek on top of Naruto’s head. 

“It’s alright. You’re safe. Everything’s okay. I’m here.” 

As more sobs shook Naruto’s body, Kakashi pulled him into his lap and cradled him, snugly enveloping the kid in his embrace. He felt a burning pain in his chest and his own eyes prickled threateningly, but he ignored it as he focused on calming the boy in his lap. 

“I’ll never let anything bad happen to you,” he said softly. “You know that, right? I’ll always protect you.” 

Kakashi didn’t know if Naruto truly registered what he was saying, but the kid’s sobs finally let up slightly, his body gasping out as though trying to replenish the air he had lost. 

“Slow, deep breaths,” Kakashi reminded him. “Focus and inhale…exhale.” 

He walked Naruto through the technique until he was left only with sniffling and small hiccups. 

“That’s right. That’s good. It’s alright. You’re alright.” 

His shirt was damp where Naruto had cried onto him, but Kakashi paid no mind as he took out a handkerchief and lovingly wiped the kid’s face. 

“Everything’s okay. You did good, kid.” 

Naruto was silent, his exhausted body slumping against Kakashi as his hands finally released their fistfuls of his teacher’s shirt. Kakashi listened as the kid’s breathing gradually grew steadier, chest rising and falling in tune with his own. He still stroked Naruto’s hair, closing his eyes and basking in the warmth so close to him. 

“Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto’s voice floated up to him after a few moments. 

“Hm?” 

“What is it you’re afraid of?” 

Kakashi was silent at first, his fingers running through tangled blond locks as he contemplated the question. 

“Spiders,” he said at last, giving a casual shrug. 

“No way,” Naruto insisted fervently. “You’re lying.” 

For a kid who usually wasn’t very perceptive, he apparently wasn’t fooled this time. 

“I am,” Kakashi replied earnestly. “They’ve got way too many legs, it freaks me out.” 

“You’re lying,” Naruto repeated. 

His head rested against Kakashi’s chest as he listened to the man’s heartbeat. 

“But it’s okay,” he said quietly. “When you’re ready to talk about it, you can tell me. Okay?” 

Kakashi looked down at Naruto in surprise, but then smiled, leaning down and letting his lips linger against the kid’s forehead. 

“Thank you,” he replied. “I will.” 


End file.
